Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Don't Ever Shine Your Light In the Shit Hole

And so our short lived yet fun filled camping trip is over. Sob.

After spending three weeks making lists that would prepare me for this "simple" three day excursion into the wild, another two days putting those lists into action and one afternoon (the actual afternoon that we were scheduled to leave) putting two new tires on the jeep, me and my fellow campers were ready to hit some kind of dusty trail.

The cast of characters:

G aka Me, Mom, Gina. I'll also answer to Dirty Little Slut and She Who Is Awesome.
Camping Skill Level:  Moderate
Other Qualities: Camp Out Culinary Arts and Fireside Mixology

Uncle Johnny - aka Johnny Boy, JB, He Who Has Much Luck
Camping Skill Level: Somewhere between Eagle Scout and the Discovery Channel
Other Qualifications: Enlarged sense of humor and almost 2'000 songs on his IPod 

Uncle Will - aka Puppet Boy, Geek Squad
Camping Skill Level: Moderate (just because his Dad ran over himself during a camping trip doesn't make Will an idiot, too.)
Other Qualities: Woodland Creature Whisperer

Mark - aka John, My Gay, Harlowe's Boy, My Brother's Boyfriend
Camping Skill Level: Absolutely none, zero, zilch
Other Qualities: Can drink 24 beers in an afternoon and likes to dance after doing such

The Boy - aka my son Maximus, Thing One, Frick, Clyde
Camping Skill Level: One trip under his belt and likes to take a piss in the great wide open
Other Qualifications:  He's a Sevedge boy who loves fire 

Devil Girl - aka my daughter Harlowe, Thing Two, Frack, Bonnie
Camping Skill Level: One trip under her belt as well as one dramatic fall into an icy river while fishing
Other Qualifications: She's a Sevedge girl who can bench press her own weight

Tents and sleeping bags: check. Random camping supplies such as a wine opener: check. Three days worth of nourishment and spirits: double check. On we go.... headed just past the Nevada State Line and into Cali Country.

Day One: Set up camp and within five minutes are hit with a slight thunderstorm and some rain. Perfect opportunity to take a hike to an empty lake bed and scout out where to pitch our shade tent and cooler the next day, right? Right. Also of note: the campers right across from us could have been filming an Abercrombie & Fitch ad. Bare chested twenty something metro-sexual boys passing a football to each other while swigging lite beer and rocking scarves. Yeah. Later that evening My Gay decides to shine his flashlight down into the deep and unforgiving cavern known as the Men's Vaulted Toilet. He is still visibly shaken from that experience. 

Day Two: Packed like mules, we make the quarter mile hike to Stampede Reservoir. We are four adults and two children strapped from tip to toe with folding chairs, a folding table, a shade tent, two inflatable rafts (already inflated), water toys, land toys, beach towels, cameras, music and maybe 50 pounds of beer, wine and Capri Suns all packed into one fabulous cube-shaped cooler on wheels. Later that day and back at camp, we had a very large deer walk right through our camp site and up to our tables (thanks Woodland Creature Whisperer). Max turned into some kind of Uber-Fire-God once the camp fire was lit. He kept doing some kind of primitive tribal dance while dressed in his Wall-E pajamas. It was kind of disturbing yet wildly entertaining and he also developed a fondness for the local water spiket. Harlowe built rock formations and architectural phenomenons out of river rock and twigs. Day Two also included three adults (one sober, the other two not so much), attempting to scare the shit out of first-time camper Mark by jumping out of the woods half-naked wearing a Chewbacca mask while being filmed by yours truly. The night ended with much bigger thunderstorms, lots of rain and four shots of Wild Turkey in honor of Seltar.

This trip was so worth the dust, the dirt and the peeing in the wild at 3:00 in the morning that we will be doing it all over again come September. But the next time ..... I'm taking along my saucy neighbor and her three year old son. Bring on Chewbacca!

No comments: