Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Menopausing Cheerleaders and Unconscious Gay Men: Happy Easter!

As of late, creating posts worth reading are getting harder and harder to come by. I find myself sitting in front of the computer screen with my coffee getting cold, just staring at the goddamned cursor as it disappears and reappears. It mocks me. Bastard.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Translation: You Suck. You Suck. You Suck.


Maybe I should tell you about the half time show at the Reno Big Horns D-League basketball game.

The theme was cheerleading. Actually, it was more like a cheerleading age progression, timeline, chronology type of display. It started with tiny little four year olds, decked out in glitter and pigtails. Then it moved on to something in the middle school range where the girls did some routine that included folding chairs and I'm guessing Hannah Montana G-strings. All pretty standard stuff. That is, until Bust A Move started thumping over the arena and four women strutted onto the court wearing lycra pants, sporting six inch roots and a high school graduation date somewhere in the early 70s. Sister Mercy, what a show. Taking mouthfuls of my $8 beer, I watched in total amazement as these women pumped, and gyrated and hip-hopped all over that poor floor. But I can't even rag on them too much because Easter afternoon, I could be found in my garage sipping vodka and dancing to Planet Rock. Fortunately, I left my lycra biker shorts in the 80s where they belong because really, the only people allowed to rock that look are people who actually ride bikes.

Or, I could tell you a story about My Gay who was also sipping vodka that fateful afternoon except he was mixing his with Acai Cleansing Pills and diet black cherry soda. Somewhere between his "total cleanse," and his attempts at purging the vodka with his fist down his throat, he passed out for ten minutes on my bathroom floor.

Because nothing says "Welcome Back, Jesus!" like a gay man passed out in the crapper.

11 comments:

Brutalism said...

Amen!

Forgotten said...

I don't know where to start, so I just won't. Wow.

Just...wow.

Elly Lou said...

I actually sighed the words "mother of god" as that image loaded. If you want it, you got it, PS. Can you PS after the PS? 'Cause I totally did. So there.

In other news, you don't have to wait until you actually have something to say to post, do you? Suddenly my whole approach feels flawed. Flawed is kinda like faux pas-ed, PS. Did it again.

See what happens when you leave me alone and unattended?

Miss Spoken said...

@Brutalism - Exactly.

@Forgotten - You don't know where to start and I never know when to finish. Although, cleaning my toilet would be a good place for either.

@Elly Lou - PS ... totally busting a move for Elly Lou. "....Ok smartie, go to a party. Girls are stancin' the crowd is showin' body. A chick walks by you wish you could sex her, but you're standin on the wall like you was Poindexter...."

Elly Lou said...

Next day's function, high class luncheon...sumtin sumtin and you're stone cold munchin'

Fuck...I'm out of practice. We should really start practicing if we're going to perform this at the BlogHer Karaoke party...

Are you really going? I need to implement my waxing regime NOW if you are.

Miss Spoken said...

@Elly Lou - No, I'm not going. BlogHer is one of those things I'll talk about but not actually do. Like sex.

Wicked Shawn said...

"this here's a tale for all the fella's , try to do what those ladies tell us, ....." yeah, you know the drill.
So, the thing is, I love me some old chicks rockin' their hot pants and "Bustin a Move", what could be better? Seriously??!! Drama Queen and I dance around here all the time, and what with her Fame like life, I am so used to people breaking into song and dance, the old hipsters just feel so natural to me, I am still waiting for the cast of Momma Mia to show up and grout the crach in my patio, (hello Meryl Streep, WTF??!!) and I love unconscious gays, we all need one, especially on Jesus related holidays. Life isn't worth living without a drunk gay. That's my motto!

JennyMac said...

Because nothing says "Welcome Back, Jesus!" like a gay man passed out in the crapper

HYSTERICAL

Mrsblogalot said...

I'm speechless at this, in a very good way. I have a lot to think about...Jesus...gay men passed out in the crapper...Jesus. It's a time for reflection most definitely.

A Vapid Blonde said...

On The Gay...don't ever try and keep up with them and their martinis, I did and wound up in a hotel room black out with my husband and a urinary tract infection.

Brans~Muffin said...

:}