Scrotal Recall

Located in Nevada's high desert sits a little brothel called the Shady Lady Ranch.

Isn't she a beauty?

This Shady Lady boasts a dedication to the working man. Your average Ben Davis wearing, Marlboro smoking, calloused hand man. Had I known you could turn a bunch of broken down trailers into an actual house of ill repute, my high school years may have been a whole lot more lucrative. Maybe I could have banged some low-grade politician (not like Chamber of Commerce low, but you know what I mean). I could have waited in the wings, sex tape in the safe deposit box until their star rose to political fame and then BAM! Pay dirt! My own personal cash cow. But it was high school and I obviously wasn't thinking clearly. I'll blame my lack of vision on Mickey's Big Mouths and an aversion to hawking my lady parts for cash.

Anyway, I had a point about the Shady Lady Ranch and I should probably get down to it.

The Shady Lady Ranch employed the first ever official male prostitute. We all know that male hookers have been around for years, and not just the kind of guys that dressed like women, strapped pork chops to their thighs and turned tricks in the dark alleys of Gold Rush America. There's all kinds of male trollops. The 16 year old runaway looking for a Happy Meal, the 56 year old grandfather looking for a rock. I've seen My Own Private Idaho so I know the score. I'm fuckin' savvy to the scene. So although these rentboys have been hustling for ages, this guy at The Shady Lady was the first official male prostitute. I'm sure his mother is proud.

Oh, and he goes by the name Markus Destin. I forgot to mention that earlier because I don't usually bother to get to know my hooker. Makes it easier for me to keep my distance just in case I need to dehumanize them when it comes time to put them in the trunk pay them.

But it seems that poor Markus has had to leave the Shady Lady Ranch. With just ten paying customers in two months, Markus is going to try his hand in the adult film industry. I can't imagine why women weren't flocking to him:

Hmmm.... let me think about this for a second. Could it be because Markus here looks a little.... what's the word .... oh yeah, GAY?

It makes me wonder what genre of adult films we might see him in. Maybe something in the gay porn arena? Maybe Schindler's Fist? How about I'm Gonna Fuck You Sucka? The Fast and the Curious? Dammit, I have to stop. This is quickly turning into a drinking game.

Yes, Markus the gay male prostitute is gone. It's just as well since he compared himself to Rosa Parks and really, if I wanted to fuck a narcissist I'd just stay home and spend some quality time with my vagina.

But if you really did have your Mother's Day dreams set on a romp with a male whore, the Shady Lady has a new guy and his name is Y Not. I haven't been able to get my hands on his photo but based on Shady Lady's previous lineup, I'm going to guess he looks a little like this: