Friday, July 31, 2009

Move'em Out, Head'em Up!

I'm outta here, y'all!

I'm packing up the wagons and taking Devil Girl and The Boy to Stampede Reservoir for three days and two nights of some good ol'fashioned camping.

The Agenda:
* Dirt
* Drinks
* Swimming
* Smores
* And watching Uncle Johnny sport his Chewbacca mask to scare the crap out of my brother's boyfriend who has never been camping .... ever.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Chex Mix Bar Winners!

And the winners are:

Kristine Michelle

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Grease Yourself Up and Get Ready to Wrestle!

Last week I ranted a bit about MTV's Teen Cribs. This week I'll be raving about the Yin to it's Yang, VH1's Great Debate. Because nothing makes this Dame smile like a good verbal dogfight based on things supremely trivial. Bring it, chumps!

In this super short series of five shows, VH1 seeks to answer the greatest pop culture questions e-v-e-r. And I say "super short" because with only five shows, I'll have to catch them all when they re-air which of course VH1 will do on a perpetual loop 'cause the Rock of Love skanks have finally wobbled their drunk asses off the tour bus and into Charm School.

Anyway, as I was raving .....

The Great Debate is kind of like their show, I Love the 80s, but not. In the course of a handful of one hour shows that grow in intensity, familiar personalities, comedians and overall idiots (think Brooke Hogan) will tackle micro-world queries such as:

Who had the best damaged penis scene?  Something About Mary vs Pork's

Who was the jerkiest High School Principal?  Ed Rooney vs Richard Vernon

Which was the most bad-ass Tarantino flick?  Pulp Fiction vs Reservoir Dogs

Which is the most important video game ever?  Pac-Man vs Donkey Kong

Neither the pop-culture junkies, the pot heads or even the adults still living in their parent's basement has an advantage here.  Watch it once and you'll see that you really do have an opinion on who the hotter Travolta is: Tony Manero vs Danny Zuko  (duh,  Zuko).

My suggestion is to grab your popcorn (which can be thrown at the TV with no damage unless you also throw the bowl), grab your box o'wine 'cause you'll need it to dull the pain when irrational decisions are made (like who was the hottest castaway on Gilligan's Island) and let'!  

Monday, July 13, 2009

Sunday Dinner: Moroccan Chicken with Pine Nut Couscous

The inspiration in theory:   
the Kingdom of Morocco
African magic
colorful bazaars
the sandy seas of the Sahara

The inspiration in reality:

Moroccan Skillet Chicken with Pine Nut Couscous
1 T paprika
2 t turmeric
2 t ground coriander
2 t ground cumin
1/2 t cinnamon
2 lbs chicken (boneless, skinless, cut into 2" pieces)
2 T extra virgin olive oil
1 large onion (thinly sliced)
4 cloves garlic (crushed)
2 lemons (1 thinly sliced, 1 juiced)
2 1/2 c chicken stock
1 c green olives (pitted)
1 T butter
1/4 c pine nuts, toasted
1 c flat-leaf parsley

In a large bowl, mix together the first five spices. Add the chicken and toss to coat. Word to the wise: don't use your hands unless you're alright with fingers stained sunshine yellow.

In a large skillet, heat the oil then add the chicken until browned (4 minutes). Add the onion, garlic and sliced lemon; season with salt and pepper. Cook until the onion softens (7 minutes). Add 1 cup chicken stock, olives and lemon juice. Remove from heat and season with salt and pepper.

In a medium saucepan, bring remaining 1 1/2 cups chicken stock and butter to a boil. Stir in couscous, cover and turn off the heat. Let stand for five minutes then fluff with a fork; stir in toasted pine nuts.

To serve, spoon the chicken and sauce over a bed of couscous and top with parsley.

Serves 6

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Because a Twin Bed and a Bus Pass Just Ain't Good Enough

While patrolling the local cable networks for soft core porn educational programs for the tots, I happened across a show that displayed the most undeserving and wretched pock-marked urchins I've ever seen.

Their tag line:
Ordinary teens who live in extraordinary homes that are designed with them in mind.


These asshole parents have tricked out their homes with the sole purpose of keeping their asshole kids happy. Indoor treehouses, palatial backyard waterparks, private nightclubs ('cause who doesn't want the legal responsibility of that!), full-court gymnasiums, aquariums the size of my bedroom and of course ... top of the line rides because Baby Boy needs a place to take his "dates" once he's dosed them. Know how I keep my kids happy? I pretend not to notice when Sage steals my underwear; I let Max eat nothing but carbs for five days straight; and Harlowe.... Harlowe's happiest days are when she's cruising Costco's aisles in search of free samples ("Suck in your tummy honey so you get two").

Don't get me wrong. If these kids were pimped out by Disney or busted their asses while simultaneously losing their spleen winning the X-Games, I wouldn't mind in the least. I'm not a hater. But the only thing these kids ever did was find their way out of some woman's uterus (and even that wasn't a solo mission) and into the hands of adults who have clearly lost their minds. These are the little Demi-Gods that will turn into the adults that share college classrooms, social spaces and work places with our kids -- kids who like public swimming pools and are okay getting their jeans at Old Navy. 

So my recommendation: Don't watch this show while intoxicated and cuddling your favorite 12 gauge, double-barreled pump action shotgun unless you have TVs to spare and no outstanding warrants.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Chex Mix Bars Giveaway (Closed)

Finally, a snack bar that doesn't taste like oats rolled in gravel or is so sticky sweet my body goes into sugar shock! Thanks to My Blog Spark, I was able to sample the new Chex Mix Bars from General Mills. They come in two flavors - Turtle and Chocolate Chunk.

I tried the Turtle flavor. Corn and wheat Chex pieces, pretzels, peanuts, a bit of chocolate and a dose of caramel combine to make a snack bar that my kids and I could both agree on. For me, I like the balance of something sweet with something salty. My kids heard chocolate and liked it before they even had it in their mouths. And it gets better. At just 130 calories per bar, you won't have to eat it while on the treadmill. Each bar also contains 8 grams of whole wheat. Not too shabby, General Mills!

Care to try them for yourself? Thanks again to My Blog Spark, I'm giving away two boxes of Chex Mix Bars to not one, not two, but to three lucky winners!

Main Entry
  • Leave a comment answering this question: What is your favorite snack?
  • If your email is not publicly available, please post it in your comment so that I may contact you in the event that you are a lucky winner.
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Contest ends midnight, July 22 (PST)
Open to US mailing addresses only
Winner chosen using a Random Number Generator
Winner will be contacted by email and must claim their prize within 48 hours

Sunday, July 5, 2009


Congratulations to. . .
AJ, winner of the Kilt Pin and Pink Bow Stud Earrings
and to Aisling, winner of the Magnetic Wrap Bracelet!