Roll It Like a B-Side: The Interviews

What caught my attention initially was her blog name, Mommy Wants Vodka. The little voice inside my head whispered, yes .... mommy does want vodka. What kept me coming back was writer Aunt Becky's sarcasm, humor and frequent use of the term "crotch parasite."

Aunt Becky's words of wisdom can also be found at Toy With Me where she writes a weekly column on important topics such as the humiliation of having a stripper's balls in her face and how, once upon a time, she was afraid of her vagina.

Although Aunt Becky is busy with her plot to take over the world via freelance writing and becoming a super villain, she has taken the time to give Miss Spoken's reader an insight into the workings of the mind that is Mommy Wants Vodka:

1. What is your current state of mind? Fat and happy. Alternately, light and airy.
2. Chocolate or lemon? Why have OR when you can have AND?
3. You've just been promoted to Porn Star. What's your name? Fists of Fury.
4. What's the last movie that made you cry? Joe Dirt.
5. A word you love: Cacophony. It just rolls off the tongue so awesomely.
6. A word you hate: Deadlines. Because. Obviously.
7. I'm looking through your closet. What am I surprised to find? Boxing gloves.
8. Plane, train or automobile? Bangs pots and pans. "Ooook-la-homa! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!"
9. What's your idea of perfect happiness? Sleep. Lots of sleep.
10. What talent would you most like to have? The ability to sleep. Alternately, the ability to mass-produce Vicodin from garbage.
11. What am I most likely to trip over in your house? A crotch parasite.
12. Richard Pryor, George Carlin or Steve Martin? See #8. Or: Steve Martin.
13. Kathy Griffin, Chelsea Handler or Lisa Lampanelli? Ms. Handler.
14. It's 100 degrees outside. Where are you? Hell, baby. And yes, there IS vodka here.
15. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Motherfucking patience.
16. Lights on or off? Depends on who I'm humping.
17. What'cha reading? US Weekly.
18. The best thing on TV is: House, MD
19. Where am I most likely to bump into you? My boyfriend, Target.
20. It's Thursday night. What's for dinner? Uh. Whatever you're picking me up?
21. What did they call you in High School? "Doll Face"
22. What's a song you never get tired of listening to? Prince's "P Control."
23. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? Awesome.
24. What are you wearing? Less than I should be, given that it's subzero in Chicago. Fresh ink, man, FEEL THE BURN.
25. Give me some words to live by ... "There are no finer words in the English language than 'encased meats," my friends. Except maybe "hooray beer!"