Friday, August 21, 2009

Seltar Lives

Dear Seltar,

It was one year ago. I don't know exactly how your morning went but I'm sure it was the same as the day before. You were, afterall, a man of routine. I'm sure the alarm went off at 5:30 and you didn't hit the snooze button. Preparing for your shower, you closed the door from our bedroom to the bathroom because you knew that I was a light sleeper. That I'd wake up at the slightest sound, at the most meager sliver of light. I love you for that.

I'm sure you kissed me on the forehead. I'm sure you checked on the kids before you walked downstairs and poured your coffee that had been pre-set the night before. Coffee so thick you could stand a fork in it. You watched the morning news -- not local news, San Francisco news. With coffee and lunch in hand, I'm sure you left home before you had to and got to work at least thirty minutes early. You went early because you liked to talk shop with your new co-workers and loved, loved, loved being an electrician.

The only thing different was that you never came home, Sel. You never came home. I could have spent a lifetime sitting on the floor in front of your closet just holding your sweatshirt to my face, trying to inhale every last memory. But you would never respect that. Maybe for a day, but not for a lifetime. Though I never heard you leave that morning and never felt you leave this Earth ... you would tell me to get up. Be a soldier. So I did.

Seltar, I love and miss you more than these simple words can express. I loved you at your worst and in turn you loved me at mine. But beyond you and I and our family, I learned that you were so admired, so respected, so loved but so many. How did you retain such long lasting relationships? So unlike me. So very unlike me.

Sel, I hope our kids inherit this quality from you. I hope that they can be apart from friends for a year or even longer and still be held so close to their hearts. I hope their friends are also their family as yours so clearly are. I hope that they are selfless like you, adventurous like you and are a friend like you.

All my love,



Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

The heart never forgets.
This is a beautiful tribute to Seltar.
My sincere thoughts to you and your children who miss them so.

Elly Lou said...

That was absolutely lovely. No fair making me sob.

You're beautiful.