Tuesday, May 19, 2009

10 Things About Me That May or May Not Interest You

  1. I'm terrified of squirrels and you should be too. They're unpredictable, skittish, jittery little minions from Hell. They appear out of nowhere and move almost quicker than the human eye can follow. They are not to be trusted. Consider yourself warned.
  2. I read magazines back to front. That's just how I roll, ya'll.
  3. I say "ya'll."  I say it without thinking and I say it all the time. Did I mention that I'm from San Francisco and have never actually lived anywhere but the West Coast?
  4. I'm not a porn star, but I often think of porn star names should life take me in that direction. My favorite is Kitty Litter.  Sounds dirty, huh?
  5. I think Windex is the multi-purpose cleaner of the Gods.  It can clean anything -- windows, walls, carpets, children.......
  6. I cannot whistle and despise those who can. I'm also not big on the yodel, yodeling or yodelers. 
  7. I cannot be trusted with a bottle of Nyquil and I'm sure I'm not alone. You know who you are. Let's raise our plastic medicine dispensers and give a shudder and a toast to the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching fever so you can rest medicine! Cheers!!
  8. I'm haunted by the Wonder Twins.  You remember them, right?  They were teenaged superheroes, accompanied by their alien space monkey sidekick, that ran around with the Super Friends. I just can't get them out of my head! Why the purple jumpsuits; why pretend to be from some strange planet when clearly they're from some island in the Pacific; why turn into something so ridiculous as a bucket of water; why the god-damned monkey??
  9. I'm addicted to compiling a list of words that I just don't like the sound of.  Here is a small sampling: nougat, gum, vein, creamy, faux, kudos, bevy, vagina, sneakers and moist towlette.  That's right.... moist towlette.  Say it slow enough and you'll understand what I'm talking about.
  10. I believe there is one absolute truth in life and that is that toilet paper should roll from the top. From the top, people!

1 comment:

SoapyChica said...

Mucous membrane-*shudder* oh, and Slough. OK thats a place-name but I still don't like the sound of it!