Yesterday Maximus turned six and kicked off his big day by crawling into my bed at 6:00. That was okay because Lucifer's Birds (which make their unhallowed nest right outside my bedroom window) start their unearthly cackling and screeching at about 3:00 AM, so I was already awake-ish.
The Birthday Plan of Attack was simple; pool, pizza, a little Pop-a-Shot and some golf (pee wee style, cause that's how we roll). It can't all be about fun though; lessons were learned on this day. Take note:
- Boys and girls, it's not okay to sneak a sip of Mom's fruity looking drink when Mom is in the pool. That's a no-no.
- Mom doesn't like her fruity looking drink diluted with water, especially pool whatever. Tisk tisk, little man.
- It's not okay to pee in the pool, however it is okay to pee in the corner by the bushes (thanks, Grandma).
- Caution: An amputated Hannah Montana Barbie does not float. Mom learned that she prefers Hannah Montana at the bottom of the pool, without arms and without hope.
- Birthday Boy learned that Mom has impeccable aim and can hit him in the eye with a water gun from clear across the pool. (Mom didn't hang out at the Carnival just to flirt with TB inflicted clowns, people. Mom has some mad Be-the-First-to-Pop-the-Balloon-With-Your-Squirt-Gun skills.)
- Mom learned that for a six year old, Max has a tremendous capacity to inflict revenge upon his attackers in a very covert, Navy Seal sort of way.
- Mom learned that $20 in tokens earns 390 tickets which buys a booty consisting of two miniaturized packs of Fun Dip, three boxes of Snaps and a microscopic plush fish.
- Mom learned that Bonnie and Clyde are savvy with the top lock to the front door and prefer to play with their Snaps outside in their underwear while Mom showers, which is funny 'cause that's exactly how Mom likes to play Snaps.