Saturday, June 6, 2009

Say It Again and Get Slapped

It can't just be me.

I can't be the only one that feels the need to lash out with unexpected violence when certain phrases are uttered. And when used over and over again, it makes a girl think penitentiary-style thoughts like how can I get this shiv into that ribcage without being sent to the hole.

Some words or phrases just don't make sense. Like cat person. If you were really a Cat Person, you'd bring home dead birds, have a sandpaper tongue and be afraid of water. No-Host Bar also makes no sense. Don't tease me. If it's a No-Host Bar, I shouldn't have to bring any cash 'cause there will be no host. The opposite is true. Bastards. 

But Cat Person and No-Host Bar register pretty low on my Say It Again and Get Slapped Meter. These phrases ... these really set me off:
  • Cream of the crop - Yeah, that's just gross.
  • You go, girl - You go play in heavy traffic, girl.
  • Keep your eyes peeled - Thank you, but I'd rather not.
  • Cool beans - Idiot.
  • A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush - Huh?
  • Raining cats and dogs - I prefer it to rain pitchforks and hammer heads.
  • There's more than one way to skin a cat - True, but that's the first way of letting society know that something is wrong ...  something is really, really wrong.

No comments: