Boss Lady Turns Five!

Happy Birthday Boss Lady!

I suppose being born four days before Halloween has it's advantages. But maybe not so much when you want unicorns and rainbows and hearts and sunshine as your theme.

Not when Miss Spoken is your mother.

Because what she got was a pinata shaped like an eyeball. And as tradition dictates (and Miss Spoken's family never strays from tradition), Boss Lady was blindfolded, handed a bat and told to swing. This made Boss Lady cry because 1) the blindfold made her feel like she wasn't in control and Boss Lady always likes to be in control and 2) people were laughing. Laughing at her. Again, not acceptable to she who is named Boss Lady.

And instead of a cake decorated with ladybugs and lollipops, she got a cemetery cake that took Miss Spoken two days to make. Because Miss Spoken considers everything a challenge to her creativity and the execution of such must be perfect. So with hot glue in hand and a bevy of paint at the ready, she created a wrought iron-like fence, headstones and grave markers, shovels, ghosts and fresh dirt painstakingly made using Oreo wafers and a food processor (suck it Martha).

Miss Spoken thought it was rather clever of her to insist on this Halloween-themed birthday party. Sort of like two birds, one stone. But it ended up costing her like a kagillion dollars to turn Boss Lady into Cinderella and The Boy into her sword-carrying knight. Even Legal decided to play along and dressed as Wilma Flintstone, complete with a highlighter-orange wig and oversized pearl necklace. And when Miss Spoken decided to dress as Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, the cost of this party steadily crept toward What The Hell Was I Thinking.

But it was worth it to see the whole gang in drag costume. There was Big Poppa (Kim's married lover/fiance/sugar daddy), a bloody surgeon as well as Sir Johnny. Spiderman showed up as did his mother, Miss Perceived, who was appropriately dressed as a cheerleader from the wrong side of the tracks.

And when the dry ice melted and the spinach dip was gone; when the eyeball was crushed and the last of the cemetery was eaten, this little band of costumed circus freaks moved the party to the Grand Sierra for a public display of bowling. In costume. Which caused strangers to take pictures and lesbians to hit on Wilma.

There were spills (vodka), injuries (Spiderman doesn't always land on his feet), tears (The Boy) and the world record for the longest public urination was broken (Big Poppa).

Boss Lady declared it the best birthday e-v-e-r.

And she got to take cupcakes and treats to her class today. And they were pink and pretty and confetti-decorated so everybody can stop yelling at me now.